Mental Illness is proof we're sometimes given more than we can handle

Just because we're still breathing doesn't mean it isn't too much.

It took me by surprise when she asked me, "Well - You've never been given more than you can handle, right?"

She was a well-meaning friend and we were talking about Covid and the stresses of unwanted homeschooling. But, I stammered a bit at her question. Because - well, there have been times in my life where it certainly felt like I've been given more than I could handle.  

But, in the moment, I mustered a, "Well, no. I guess not." 

If I'm being honest though, I could feel myself getting upset.

I felt uncomfortable and like she had just diminished all of my feelings over the years when I did feel like I was given more than I could handle. I quickly changed the subject and we moved on to other things. 

I haven't been able to stop thinking about that question though. 

I have stumbled my way through a terrible past year, a horrible car accident for my husband, struggles my kids had to endure, graduate school, and so. much. more.

There were many many days that - no. I couldn’t handle it. I had to hide under the covers to just survive.

Yes, lately, it’s felt like he's giving me more than I can handle. 

Before this conversation, this woman had no idea that I struggled with depression like I had never experienced before. Every time I mentioned my anxiety, she even pressed me to change my verbiage.

I found myself saying things around this person like, "I'm a stressed-out person" instead of saying something normal like “I have anxiety.” because I didn't want to “ruin” the moment with the heaviness of reality.

But, I DO have anxiety, and I’m tired of feeling shame for talking about it out loud.

Some days depression makes it feel like I can’t get out of bed just to exist, much less do all the things I’m responsible for doing.

And it DOES feel like more than I can handle some days. 

This person kept encouraging me to not place those labels on myself.

Those labels of “anxious” or “depressed” are labels that some people see as a personal failing rather than what they are - something we didn’t ask for and something we can’t control. Being depressed isn’t a dirty little secret and I’m tired of people treating it like that.

Some days we can’t always handle it with grace.

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So much of the conversation left me unsettled. And it's not the first time I've experienced similar situations.

She meant well. People usually do. She was trying her think positively! approach that many people who talk about hard things like anxiety and depression hear often. 

And, to be honest - I could use a little encouragement in that department. So, I don't get offended anymore. I'm not the most positive person in the world, and I do struggle with being a look-on-the-bright-side kind of girl. 

But, does God give me more than I can handle? I wondered for days about that after that conversation. Here’s where I landed -  

On the one hand - no. I'm still alive. I mean, I didn't DIE. So, I guess I'm handling it. 

However, on the other hand, some days it sure felt like it. Some days it still does. And some people DO die from their depression.

When I had no joy when I looked at my family and no motivation to get out of bed, it sure did feel like more than I could handle. 

When my marriage was suffering amidst the depression, it felt like more than I could handle. 

When my kids needed me to step up just as I was catching my breath after a terrible year of home remodeling, lawsuits, and car accidents and homeschool them through a pandemic? It seemed like more than I could handle. 

The unmedicated years I spent battling with my brain every day to fight negative thoughts and overwhelming feelings, it definitely feels like more than I can handle. 

So, yes - I believe He does give us more than we can handle sometimes. 

“But, did you die?” should not be our measuring stick. Because frankly, people die all the time from mental illness amongst all the other atrocities in the world that human beings are currently suffering through.

No, I didn't die. I'm still standing through all those things I couldn't handle. But, let’s not say that life is fair and we always get what we can handle. Because that’s far from the truth. Would you say that to someone dying from literally anything else?

Probably not.

But, somehow mental illness continues to be seen by some people as a personal failing.

And I find it disgusting.

It's because of things like medication (that helped me tackle the debilitating depression) that I believe would have overpowered me if I hadn't taken control by going to the doctor. That’s how I “handled it.”

It’s because of being privileged enough to get therapy and do the hard inner work that I’ve been able to pull myself out from depths that some people don’t recover from. Some people don’t have the money to do that.

I believe it's because of family and friends who have buoyed me up and given me the strength that I didn't know I had. It’s because of this community that I’ve felt less alone in the struggle.

He gives all of us more than we can handle. Maybe we don't die, so it's easy to assume we handled it, right?

But, sometimes that handling of it (whatever "it" may be for you) looks like barely hanging on. Sometimes it looks like just mere survival. 

Let’s admit that many many people in this life are given more than they can handle. Just because we’re breathing doesn’t mean it isn’t too much.

Somehow we make it through. However, sometimes people don’t. And those of us who make it through the mess have battle scars from all the stuff that we were supposedly able to handle. Hopefully, we can at least say we have gotten stronger in some way.

Do we always love the growth in the moments when He gives us more than we can handle? No. I don't. In fact, sometimes I get a little angry about it. 

But, do I see the changes? Do I feel stronger? 

Sometimes. And it’s those times when I gain strength that I can see the point of all this "handling it." 

But, if you feel like maybe you’ve been dealt more than you can handle. That’s OK too. I’m giving you permission to say it out loud without shame. Yes - sometimes you’re given more than you can handle. It isn’t fair. It does feel like too much sometimes.

Find a friend or community that you won’t judge you for saying it.

Maybe that community is right here. Hugs to all of those out there kind of sort of “handling it.”

But, if you’re not handling it all that well - reach out to someone who cares. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

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Don’t forget to grab my book, The Mother Load if you like conversations like these about motherhood, the mental load, and mental health.